Small talk It frequently receives negative feedback. Sometimes, it might seem uncomfortable, shallow, and insignificant—especially if you aren't executing it properly.
However, it's one of the strongest assets in your collection to build relationships , project a confident aura and even boost your spirits.
The issue with much of casual conversation is that it occurs mindlessly, implying that individuals often participate without much thought. asking questions They can already anticipate the responses to questions like:
- "How are you?"
- "How's the weather?"
- "How was your weekend?"
Whenever you query theautopilot, you can nearly ensure that the answers will be as generic as thequestions themselves.
- I'm doing well, thank you. And how are you?
- "It's so cold!"
- I had a nice weekend, thank you for asking. What about you?
Looking for a way to avoid mindless small talk? Try conversational threading .
The strength of conversation threading
Conversational threading is a method that fosters deeper engagement through the creation or exploration of “threads” — engaging snippets that promote smoother and more captivating dialogue.
It can assist you in having more effective discussions in both your private and work-related interactions, regardless of the situation. job interview At a networking gathering, during a group discussion, at a social function, or waiting in queue for a café beverage.
Here’s how you can utilize it:
Provide several topics for individuals to explore.
Suppose someone asks you the standard question, “How was your weekend?” Rather than providing a mundane response, you could reply, “I had an excellent time over the weekend! I went for a hike and also celebrated my niece’s birthday.” This gives them two potential topics to explore further; they may inquire about your hike or show interest in your niece.
Below are additional examples designed to assist you in enhancing your responses to typical small talk openers:
Question: What draws you to this [event/place]?
Autopilot answer: "I'm here for work."
Better answer: I’m here to gain deeper insights into [X topic], which will assist my team in achieving [Y goal]. It’s thrilling to connect with like-minded individuals. What brings you here today?
Question: "How are you?"
Autopilot answer: I'm doing well. As busy as ever, you understand how things go!
Better answer: I'm doing well! Work has kept me quite busy lately, but I've just embarked on a new project that I find very thrilling. What about you?
Question: "How's it going?"
Autopilot answer: Everything is going well from my side.
Better answer: I've been concentrating on finalizing [X project] and am eager to present it at the all-hands meeting next week. I would really appreciate hearing your feedback afterward!
Tug at other people's strands
Effective listening is crucial if you aim to spot leads to follow up on. Take for instance when you inquire about someone’s origins and they answer “San Francisco.” Typically, we tend to reciprocate by revealing our own hometowns, which can sometimes cause the dialogue to lose momentum.
Rather than doing anything else, take hold of the piece of information you have been provided with and pose an additional query For example, "What do you enjoy most about residing there?"
You have the option to share your personal stories about San Francisco to continue the dialogue. By revealing more about yourself, it typically encourages the other individual to become more forthcoming with their own information.
If you find yourself unsure about how to keep a conversation going because the other person isn’t offering much to work with, try making an observation about your surroundings. This approach is especially effective during video calls when you can remark on or inquire about items in their environment, such as artwork, photographs, or even the chosen virtual backdrop.
Pose more effective questions to initiate discussions
To foster more interactive discussions, you can refine your casual questioning techniques to improve the flow of conversation. Consider this approach:
Common question: "How are you?"
Better question: "What are you excited to be working on?"
Common question: "How was your weekend?
Better question: "What was the highlight of your weekend?"
Common question: What motivated your attendance at this event?
Better question: What has been your most enjoyable insight until now?
Keeping some standby questions readily available can be particularly useful when you're still honing this skill.
Use positive language
Adjusting your casual conversation queries and replies to incorporate more upbeat vocabulary—such as "excited," "highlights," and "favorites"—sets both you and the other individual up to view the discussion in a more favorable light.
Make sure to use uplifting vocabulary when you interact with others going forward. It would be great if you could explore various topics during your discussions. I look forward to hearing about the richer and more engaging exchanges you'll have from now on.
Lorraine K. Lee is an acclaimed virtual keynote speaker and the CEO of RISE Learning Solutions. Additionally, she is the best-selling author of Inspired Impact: Stand Out, Become an Influencer, and Skyrocket Your Career , recognized as a must-read by the Next Big Idea Club. She leads well-received courses at both LinkedIn Learning and Stanford Continuing Studies. Her past clientele encompasses companies such as Zoom, Cisco, LinkedIn, ASICS, McKinsey & Company, among numerous others.
Aspire to become a successful, self-assured communicator? Take 's online course Learn to Be an Efficient Communicator: Excel at Public Speaking We’ll show you how to articulate yourself clearly and assertively, soothe your anxieties, choose appropriate things to say as well as those best left unsaid, and employ bodily cues for making an excellent initial impact. Begin your journey now.
