Almost all parents will eventually lose their cool with their children at least once, making a certain amount of shouting seem unavoidable.
This holds true even for parenting gurus such as Becky Kennedy, a child psychologist educated at Columbia University and the host of the parenting podcast "Good Inside." Despite having three children herself, Kennedy confesses that she too experiences moments of frustration severe enough to cause her to raise her voice at them—often triggered by delays in their morning routine, like dawdling during dressing time which makes her tardy for her job.
"At times we reach a peak moment when, as parents, [and] I experience this myself. I end up yelling and screaming at my child: ‘Why can’t you understand what’s happening? You never follow through with what I request’...or perhaps, ‘You’re being very self-centered. You might cause me to be delayed. You transform me into something monstrous. Why couldn’t you pay attention from the start?’" Kennedy shared with entrepreneur Tim Ferriss during their conversation. episode of his podcast "The Tim Ferriss Show" episode that was released just last month.
DON'T MISS: The definitive handbook for generating passive revenue on the internet
Shouting occasionally might be forgivable, according to Kennedy, yet such eruptions can have long-lasting negative effects Young children might interpret an occasional angry eruption from their parents as being far more severe and lasting than it actually is. Additionally, the shame and guilt that parents experience following such episodes of raised voices may result in heightened anxiety, which could then trigger further outbursts down the line, notes psychologist Emily Edlynn. wrote In Psychology Today previously year.
This is precisely why mothers and fathers should promptly offer an apology and identify the emotions that led them to lose control, according to Kennedy. She refers to this as “repair,” which aims to reassure children—making sure they understand that their parents' anger doesn’t diminish their affection for them—and set examples of constructive and accountable conduct.
Kennedy stated, “I’m owning up to my actions.” He added, “I want to provide my child with an explanation of what transpired and share how I’d handle things differently should this happen again.”
Ways to Make Amends After Raising Your Voice
Kennedy provided an illustration of how "repair" might appear: "I want to mention something about our interaction earlier; I shouted at you, which was likely frightening for you. Additionally, please know that whenever I raise my voice, it’s not because of anything you did but rather due to me losing control momentarily. I am making efforts to remain more composed—so even when upset, I aim to speak with a gentler tone. For all these reasons, I apologize."
She stated that informing children that your outbursts are never their responsibility should not excuse them from facing consequences of inappropriate or rude conduct. Rather, this approach aims to convey that they do not bear accountability for another person’s behaviors, whether positive or negative.
"I get frustrated when my child isn’t listening and the morning gets pushed back,” explained Kennedy, further stating: “Saying something like ‘You force me to raise my voice; you transform me into a beast’ essentially holds your child accountable for your ability to handle your emotions.”
Parents who tend to have sudden emotional eruptions should try identifying what causes their irritation, allowing them to pause and control themselves before raising their voice, as suggested by Kennedy. They could also inform their children: "I’m feeling upset right now. I’ll take a moment to breathe and will return shortly," she advised.
Controlling your emotions around your kids might be challenging, yet exerting greater command over them during tough moments proves to be highly beneficial in the end. Barnard College child psychologist Tovah Klein told Make It last year.
"Even when it was incredibly difficult, I feel most accomplished during instances where I managed to remind myself, 'I have to be the mature one in this situation,'" Klein stated.
Looking to earn additional income beyond your regular employment? Register for 's online course Ways to Generate Passive Income On the Internet To discover popular methods for generating passive income, advice on beginning your journey, and true accounts of achievement.
Plus, subscribe to Make It's mailing list To acquire advice and strategies for achieving success at your job, managing finances, and navigating everyday life.
